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Virtual online divorce mediation lets you resolve your divorce matter while working together as if you were in a room sitting near each other. Virtual online divorce mediationalso lets you meet at a time outside regular office hours and on weekends. No need to drive to an office, find a babysitter for young children or, during our current times, go into an office building, elevator, waiting area and conference room used by other people.

Getting started to attend a Zoom or other online mediation or conference you will need to choose your device. Whether you are using your phone, tablet, laptop, iPad or desktop you will want to make sure that you can see and hear other participants. Are you using headphones? Do your headphones require a usb device, plug in to your device or are they Bluetooth? Are you using your device microphone or do you have a separate microphone? Does this work? It’s best to try out the ‘test your microphone’ if your device offers that feature.

You might want to think about where you will be during the mediation. Finding someplace quiet and private is important. If you are at home with other family members you might want to post a note on the door stating ‘quiet please….. in a meeting’. Before the meeting, if you have children or other people at home, you might want to let them know that you need some time alone to attend a meeting. Other things you might want to think about are: does your dog need a walk or do children need lunch or a snack?. Of course, life happens and if a child needs you or you need to take a break, just let the divorce mediator know and we can take a break.

In order to join in for online divorce mediation I use Zoom. Zoom offers an online user I.D. and password for greater protection for privacy. I still offer a free 30 to 45 minute free consultation online or on the phone. If we all decide to work together, we will sign a mediation agreement. The divorce mediation agreement will be signed ahead of time stating that the meeting may not be recorded or screen shot. The mediator will also have to admit each participant into the online meeting to ensure that those attending the mediation meeting are only the agreed participants. Once the meeting has started we can enter gallery mode so all participants can see each other just as if we were in a room with each other. Don’t worry if you aren’t familiar with these terms or locations as will go over this at the meeting. The meeting will still have an agenda that we can follow and use as a guide. Once everyone comes online and we get to introduce ourselves, we will get started and review a few rules of waiting to speak, using the chat to post questions and using the raised hand and where various icons such as gallery maybe on your device.

All parties will have a chance to participate and parties will have the ability to see other if their video is on. If video is not your thing, then we can do without or have a phone conference.

The meeting concludes with whatever we all have agreed to prepare for the next meeting. The mediator sends out meeting notes. The meeting notes review the meeting, work that everyone needs to do before the next meeting and lets you follow the progress from meeting to meeting.

If you are getting divorced and have children who are minors, you will need to create a parenting plan. Continue reading “Creating a Parenting Plan? Some Thoughts to Consider Before You Start Preparing”

Have you and your spouse decided to enter into mediation to create an agreement for your divorce? Do you want to start mediation prepared? Or are you in mediation and unsure or unclear what you should decide? Do you have questions about what you should decide for child support or property division and would like some advice before you decide? Perpaps you need a mediation reviewing attorney.

Lots of questions need to be answered during the divorce process, and mediation is a proven and effective process for ensuring it goes as smooth as possible. Mediation saves time, saves money and preserves relationships. Preserving relationships is particularly important if you have children and need to still co-parent even though you are getting divorced. That being said, in mediation the mediator is a neutral party. The mediator, even an attorney mediator, is not attorney to either party. The mediator cannot tell you what you should do or should not do or give you advice.

A mediation reviewing attorney can help you through this process, answer your questions, make you feel more comfortable about making decisions, prepare you for your mediation session, review your drafted agreement and still keep you out of the costly and emotionally draining litigation process. The mediation reviewing attorney, especially a family law mediation reviewing attorney, can review each section of the agreement with you to answer your questions and to explain how each decision will affect your rights and responsibilities under the agreement.

That being said, some people enter mediation prepared with many decisions already made and have a clear idea of a parenting schedule and a property division that is clear and simple to divide. Those individuals should at least review their mediated agreement with a mediation reviewing attorney. For others, this is not the case, with parents living in other states or other countries involving a complex parenting schedule, couples with multiple properties, and businesses that need to be valued. Sometimes experts will need to be consulted during mediation for evaluations or tax consequences, stock agreements that may need to be revised or a pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreement that needs to be reviewed and discussed as part of the mediation process.

The mediation reviewing attorney may be that extra piece you may need to have a peaceful and respectable mediation and give you peace of mind with a mediated agreement that you understand and feel comfortable signing. All the while, this will keep your matter outside of court hearings for temporary orders, pre-trial conference and a costly trial.

Although the Divorce or Separation Agreement is one document, it comprises various sections or exhibits. Continue reading “What is a Divorce or Separation Agreement?”

Here you can find some questions and answers to what documents to file for an unconte and where to submit the documents for your divorce.

If you are filing an uncontested, no-fault 1A divorce, that means that you and your spouse have agreed to the terms of your divorce and have created a divorce or separation agreement.

Where can I find the forms I need to file for my divorce?

Here is the link to the Court site listing the forms that you will need to complete for an uncontested divorce.

https://www.mass.gov/how-to/file-for-a-no-fault-1a-divorce

The court states you can file for divorce in Massachusetts if:

• You’ve lived in Massachusetts for one year, or;
• The reason the marriage ended happened in Massachusetts and you’ve lived in Massachusetts as a couple

So, to get started what documents do I need to complete to get divorced?

There are multiple documents that you must submit to the court. It is essential that all the documents are submitted at once and that all the documents are correctly completed. If you leave a blank line on a financial statement or other documents, you may very likely have all the materials returned to you only to refile again and delay your hearing for a divorce.

Form – A 1A  Joint Petition for Divorce

Joint Petition for a 1A divorce or uncontested no fault is the form you would file if you and your spouse are jointly filing for divorce and have an agreement.

This form has information about you and your spouse. The petition will list your names, addresses, phone numbers, date of marriage, date of separation and any children from the marriage who are not emancipated. If your divorce is contested, you will need to file form 1B for a contested divorce.

Form – Affidavit for an Irretrievable Breakdown in the Marriage

This form is telling the court that your marriage has broken down and that break down continues to exist today.

Form – Rule 408 for Divorce Absolute

This is a statistical form that is sent to the Massachusetts State Archives that will list your divorce and date absolute. The form lists personal information about both parties and the names and dates of birth of your children.

Form – Affidavit of Care and Custody – if you have children.

This form lists who is the primary parent or shared parenting, where the children have lived for the last two years and addresses of both parents. If you have shared parenting, then both parents should sign.

Form – Child support worksheet – if you have children.

This worksheet is a state formula that takes into account your gross weekly income, payments for childcare, health, vision, and dental insurance and other child support orders. This worksheet will calculate the amount of child support one party may pay to another.

Form – Child support Deviation sheet – if you have children and seek a deviation.

Perhaps one parent lives out of state and needs to travel to have parenting time.

Considering the cost of travel and hotel accommodations the parent may look for a deviation in the child support guidelines. This sheet would need to be attached to the documents submitted.

Parenting Certificate – if you have children.

If you have children under 18 years of age, you will need to attend a parenting class and submit a parenting certificate at the time of filing.   Both parents need to participate in the parenting class. Parents cannot attend the same class. The Parenting Certificate is not part of the Separation or Divorce Agreement, but a reminder to include this document.   See the link above for a schedule of parenting classes.

Form – Financial Statements from both parties. Parties will need to complete a financial statement based on their gross weekly salary and expenses.    If your expenses are monthly, you will need to take your monthly expenses and divide by 4.3 to arrive at a weekly expense.   Your financial statement will list all your assets and debt. If you make under $75,000.00, you must complete the short form financial statement. If you make $75,000.00 or over, you must complete the long form financial statement.  See the link above to print out a financial statement.

Divorce or Separation document will contain important information about when you were married, when you separated, the dates of birth of your children and exhibits concerning alimony, your children, health insurance, life insurance, your division of assets, debt and taxes plus any other exhibits that your divorce may need.

There may be other documents if you are asking the court to hear your matter by telephone or to take a parenting program online if one parent lives out of state.  These are a few examples, and there may be other reasons for your particular situation.   You should check with your attorney or court if you have questions about other forms you may need.

In addition to the completed forms, you will need to have a certified copy of your marriage certificate from a city, town or the state archives and provide payment for a filing fee of $215. For an uncontested divorce, and $220. For a contested divorce.   Check with your court to see if payment should be a bank check or a money order.

After you have completed, signed and had the documents notarized where needed, you should make a complete copy of all the documents before filing and bring the copy with you on the day of your hearing.

Where do I file the documents for my divorce?

The documents are to be filed in the county where you both last lived if one party still lives at that address or in the county where one party lives.

What happens after I file the documents?

After the documents are filed, the court you will send you both a notice with a date, time and location for the hearing for your divorce. The hearing is usually brief.   You should bring a copy of all your filed documents with you. You can refer to these documents if the judge asks you a question.

I’ve decided I want to mediate, but how do I choose a mediator?

Mediators come in many forms. Some mediators are therapists, financial specialists, and mediators who took the statutory training of approximately 40 hours from many backgrounds, and then there are mediators who are attorneys. Mediators can also work together, and co-mediate with a therapist, financial specialist, and other specialists. Mediators who are attorneys can write the agreement if you and spouse come to an agreement.

Making a mediation agreement is not a simple task. The mediation agreement is made up of exhibits. These exhibits are comprised of various areas of the law. Understanding each of the exhibits is essential to signing an agreement that you understand.

The areas of the law are not so simple and vary from exhibit to exhibit.   For example, alimony can be waived by the parties and survive, or maybe the parties want alimony to merge for consideration in the future. Understanding these concepts is important for informed consent. Given the current status of alimony, a tax analysis might be considered.

Did you know that your property division is final? So if you agree to a property division and then later wish you had asked for more real property or more investments or a different division of retirement assets, it will be unlikely to be addressed.

Understanding the law is critical.  Having someone as your mediator who is up to date with family law is necessary. This may be a question you want to ask your mediator.

As there are many types of mediators, there are also Certified mediators in Massachusetts certified by the Massachusetts Council of Family Mediation. Other organizations list certified mediators outside of Massachusetts, but it is important to look at what makes that mediator Certified. Massachusetts Council of Family Mediation has a list of mediators who are Certified on their website. In order to become qualified as a certified mediator for the Massachusetts Council of Mediators, there are additional steps to be taken. A mediator must have considerable experience as a mediator and demonstrated to have taken at least 60 additional hours beyond the basic mediation training in subject matter such as taxation, high family conflict, child support, child custody, tax considerations, employee benefits, and business evaluations to name a few of the possible additional trainings a Certified Mediator may have taken.

There are many considerations in choosing a mediator who is best for your family. Parties should meet several mediators and look at their backgrounds; availability, experience, and cost before choosing a mediator that they feel can best help their family successfully complete the mediation process.

Whether litigation or mediation or some other option is right for you depends on your situation and how you want to get divorced.

In the litigation process, you are filing a contested divorce. A contested divorce is one that you and your spouse have not agreed on the terms of your divorce for the Separation or Divorce Agreement. In the litigated or contested process, one party will make the initial filing in court, and the other party will be served with court papers. The party served has 20 days to file an answer. You might want to consider having an attorney help you with filing an answer if you are proceeding on your own.

You may have attorneys, or maybe one party has an attorney.

The parties will file motions in court. Motions are written requests of what you would like for temporary orders. The motion could be for support, parenting plan, child support or another matter.

If you have an attorney and if your spouse has an attorney, your attorney will serve notice to your spouse with a date and time to appear in court. The documents for the motion will have a date and time for you to appear in court. When you appear before the court on the day for your hearing, if you don’t agree on terms, the judge may send you to the family services office at the court to help you both arrive at a decision. If you still don’t agree, you will have to wait in court for the judge to hear the motion.

There is more to this process with objections that may be filed or crossed motions, but as you can see, this is time and money spent in court and on legal fees instead of your future. More importantly, you and your spouse can become quite agitated with one another.

As parents, if you have children, this can make it harder for your children to cope with the process.

The litigation process will continue with more days spent in court on motions until the parties reach an agreement or a trial is scheduled to solve all issues. The trial can be costly and go on for days depending on the complexity of your matter. Then there is trial preparation with documents to be submitted in evidence, trial books with costs quickly escalating to $40,000.00 or more.

Another option is mediation. In mediation, you will work together with a mediator as a team to discuss all the matters that will be listed in your Divorce or Separation Agreement. Some of the items that you will be considering could be alimony, child custody, child support, health insurance, the division of assets, debt and taxes to name a few, and in as much detail as the parties and the court may need. The mediator will review aspects of law as they pertain to each category and the parties will have time to ask questions and pose possible solutions and look for options if needed. In mediation you will not file documents with the court until you have resolved all matters that will go into your divorce/separation agreement.

The mediation process begins with all the parties to the mediation signing a mediation agreement. The mediation agreement protects the confidentiality of the process. A date and time are agreed upon to start the mediation process. The mediator may begin by talking about communication, listening and taking a break, if needed, during mediation. You may be asked to share your interests and goals for the mediation process.

The process may then move towards discussing any interim issues that you or your spouse may have and then move towards addressing matters that will be included in the divorce/separation agreement. The interim issues could include such matters as childcare, parenting or finances. You will meet with the mediator as many or as few times as needed to resolve all the issues for your agreement. Meeting with a mediator whose practice is dedicated to working outside of court in mediation and other non-litigated matters should be easy to schedule appointments. Mediators, most often do not appear in court. If you want more support, you can meet with an attorney during mediation, or to review your final agreement.

Once you have you both have agreed on the issues for the agreement the mediator, if an attorney, can draft a mediation agreement for you to review. After you have read and reread the agreement, you may meet to discuss any changes.  There are other procedural documents, and your mediator can help you with those documents or you can complete on your own.   Once all the documents are completed, you may meet with your mediator to discuss filing your documents in court and what happens during the court hearing.  The court hearing is usually very brief, and your mediator can explain what to expect so you will be prepared.

These are two processes to consider if you have decided to divorce. There are other processes outside of court, such as the collaborative process, and negotiation that I will discuss in another blog.

Mediation saves time, saves money and preserves relationships. But, whatever you decide, investigate the processes and choose what is best for your family.

Many families are looking for an easier way to get divorced instead of spending lots of money and long hours sitting around in court. Mediation might be the right choice for you.

A mediator’s role is to help facilitate a dialogue between both parties.   The mediator does not represent either party and cannot tell you what you should or should not do. With that being said, a mediator is there to answer questions and explain what goes into the Separation or Divorce agreement that you will need to get divorced.

The role of the mediator is to explain the law regarding alimony, child custody, child support, where can I take the parenting class if I have children, division of assets, debt, tax deductions going forward and answer questions on any aspect of the process or parts of the agreement that is relevant to your agreement.   If you own a business or businesses or have other investments such as real estate, parties may jointly decide on an appraiser or bring someone into the mediation to discuss valuation.   While it may be one document, these categories have different rules and regulations. For instance, decisions regarding your children can merge or be changed, and decisions regarding property division survive or can’t be changed.   Yes, there are always some exceptions, but this is for the most part.

Basically, in mediation, we are working as a team. We begin by signing a mediation agreement.  The parties and the mediator sign the agreement. This is part of the statute and protects confidentiality.   The mediator may start the mediation by creating an agenda.   The first meeting usually gives the parties time to express their interests and goals for the mediation.   The mediator will talk about and remind parties to talk respectfully and listen carefully when each member of the mediation team is speaking. The mediator will give you some tips on listening which is not so easy to do if you are thinking about your interests. The mediator after each meeting will create follow up notes and send to the parties.   The parties can review and make any comment if needed.

During the first meeting, the parties and mediator will talk about the agenda and a date for the next meeting. The meetings happen when everyone is available to meet. There is no rush, and usually, mediators who do not have a litigation practice can be scheduled rather quickly. The mediator is there to explain and assist however much, or little the parties may need. The mediator will keep track of the progress, and when the parties have covered all the issues for the Separation or Divorce Agreement, an outline or review will usually occur. If the parties have reached an agreement on most or all the aspects for the agreement, the mediator, if an attorney, can create a draft agreement. The Agreement is a document that is filed with the court that contains the decisions that the parties have jointly decided.

After the draft is created, parties will review the draft at home.   The mediator will encourage you to read and reread the document several times to make sure you understand and mark up the document with any questions you make have.   If the parties have reviewing attorneys, they will have their reviewing attorneys review before meeting again to resolve any questions or unresolved sections of the agreement.

Once the draft is a final document, there are a number of other documents that the mediator can create for the parties. These documents are procedural, and the mediator will explain these documents along with filing the documents in court.

While all mediators are different as no family is the same, this is an example of what you can expect from the mediator in mediation.

The financial statement may be the most dreaded part of creating an agreement. It’s not optional so it has to be completed. I’ve had more people find this challenging or just frustrating.   I want to tell you, that actually it is a good thing. Yes, while frustrating and time consuming and no one wants to complete it, it is really a good tool in accessing your life going forward.   What are your expenses? What do you have for income? Can I pay for my expenses once I am divorced?   Once you have gone through creating a draft and I mean draft, you have a better sense of what you will have for income and expenses going forward. I’ve seen the relief for many knowing that things will ok after completing this document.

Creating plans that work best for your children. Making your children feel safe and secure knowing that they will have time with both parents.   It’s hard for you and more difficult for your children. Making your children a priority will help you keep focused on what’s important and how to help your children adjust to a new life with both parents.   Parenting plans can let your children know when they will have time to visit both parents.   A calendar on the refrigerator will let your children know when they have time with each parent.   Spending time to create a plan can make life smoother for you and your children. Think about holidays, special events and school vacations and summer vacations.   Making the most and spending quality time with our children enriches their lives and our lives.   If you want some further tips on creating parents, please visit my website and look at parenting plans